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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22661041">the purity of sun</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/deltachye/pseuds/deltachye'>deltachye</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Helix Waltz (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drabble Collection, F/M, Fluff, Gift Fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:01:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,361</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22661041</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/deltachye/pseuds/deltachye</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>[reader x barris sakan]</p><p>you are my sunshine, my only sunshine / you make me happy when skies are grey</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>OC/Barris Sakan, Reader/Barris Sakan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Gift Fics</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>for my dearest friend</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Where are you taking me?"</p><p>He's reluctantly towed along, whispering abashedly as not to disturb the night guard—he wouldn't be out here at all if the Princess didn't outrank him. Their shadows flickered in candlelight.<br/>
<br/>
"It's a secret. Shh."<br/>
<br/>
The secret, apparently, is the restricted access corridor to the rooftop. Barris sucks in a tight breath when [Name] wordlessly opens the door that should be locked tight.<br/>
<br/>
"Are you stupid? It's dark. What happens if you fall?"</p><p>"So we won't fall," [Name] argued back stubbornly, her brown eyes gleaming bright orange in the torchlight. "Come on, Barris. Don't tell me you're a coward."</p><p>Chagrined, he takes her hand, fitting the warm palm against his.<br/>
<br/>
When they emerge the air hits him like a cold shock. He felt [Name] squeeze his hand tightly as she looked down at her feet to maneuver the tiles of the castle roof. They're higher up than where the long-range defensemen would be, so there's no real footing. In a heart-stopping moment he felt her slip, her flats sliding an inch away from him. With a strength he'd never known before he pulled her in close.<br/>
<br/>
"Careful!" he admonished. [Name] exhales a shaky breath and then smiles.<br/>
<br/>
"Sorry. But thanks."</p><p>Even though nobody would possibly be able to hear them anymore, they whisper. [Name] leads him a little farther up before sitting down where it's safe. <br/>
<br/>
"Look—it's a full moon!"</p><p>It is, big and bright and heavy in the sky. It almost makes him need to squint because it's so radiant. The stars glimmer like distant fairies, and he can see the spread of the Milky Way.<br/>
<br/>
[Name] rested her head on her shoulder, sighing contentedly. He almost jumped, but felt his body freeze in panic instead.<br/>
<br/>
"Thanks for coming with me, Barris."</p><p>He knew then that he loved her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Princess..."</p><p>[Name] bites down on her lip and looks up guiltily, already hearing the exasperated tone in Barris' voice.<br/><br/>"You mean to say... 2 + 2 is... 2?"<br/><br/>"Ah. Sorry." She shakes her head, grabbing onto a strand of long brown hair to fidget with nervously. Barris puts the parchment down and pushes a hand back through his golden blond hair.<br/><br/>"Is something the matter?"<br/><br/>That morning, the royal advisors had called her in. She'd already thought she was in trouble; nobody ever gets called to the council for anything good. And, to her suspicions, it hadn't been good news.<br/><br/><em>You are the singular heir to the throne.</em><br/><br/>It's a lot of responsibility. She's young, and she's still got so much to see—how fair is it to be thrust into so much responsibility when she's not ready?<br/><br/>"Princess," Barris urges again, but much softer. He leans across the desk and touches her elbow—[Name] feels a spark and jumps. His face is tight with concern. "What's on your mind?"<br/><br/>"It's..." She hesitates. This isn't something she can just discuss freely. Barris seems to understand the seriousness of it and closes the tome, surprising [Name].<br/><br/>"What're you doing?" she asks, concerned that Barris thinks she's so stupid he's given up on her. Barris crosses over to her side of the table and then holds out a hand, formally but friendly all at once.<br/><br/>"Taking your mind off things. Princesses do not deserve to have such heavy things weighing on their heart."</p><p>"Oh... but what are you planning?"<br/><br/>"A walk around the gardens," he says simply. "The servants tell me the main fountain in the square has been repaired, and I know how much you like to play in it even though you aren't supposed to, Princess."<br/><br/>A blush flushes her cheeks. Had he seen her barefoot, kicking up childish puddles, dousing her skirt? Barris doesn't seem to mind, laughing instead—a sight that makes [Name] freeze with her hand in his. It's warm.<br/><br/>"Come on, then." He hauls her up to her feet, and for a second, it's like they're waltzing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Some things are out of your control, Princess."</p><p>"I know, but I just..."<br/><br/>She didn't want to look frustrated in front of Barris, but the tension in her core and the biting of her nails really wasn't helping. The older mage sighed as they walked along; him slowing her stride so her shorter legs could keep along.<br/><br/>"There wasn't anything we could've done. <em>You</em> could have done."<br/><br/>"I feel like there was. Like, if I had just—I don't know. Been a bit more careful, or done something different, or maybe prayed a bit harder..."<br/><br/>"[Name]."<br/><br/>She stopped in her footsteps. He hardly ever called her that, too timid to despite her blessing for him to use any nickname he pleased with her. His expression was soft, even if his eyes were serious. He reached and took her hand, squeezing it tight until the tension melted from her fingers.<br/><br/>"These things just happen in life. We've all felt setbacks. Me especially... but we move on with the strength of others."<br/><br/>He relaxed his grip with the intention of letting go, knowing if he was seen embracing the Princess so intimately it might be talked about behind her back. But she held on, hooking her fingers around his. Her hand was so much smaller. Warmer.<br/><br/>"Thanks, Barris." Finally, she smiled, and it just about made his heart burst. He forgot all words.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Barris wasn't one to screw up this badly, and yet, here he was—nearing wedding day—without a <em>ring</em>. <br/><br/>It was Barbara's lack of thought that put him here. Seeing [Name] in the garden, he'd gotten paralyzed by her brown eyes and word dumped the first thing that came to mind. Partnership for life was not a light topic. A lowly noble like him asking for the <em>princess' </em>hand in marriage? Stupid. It was the dumbest thing he'd done by far, and he had to doubt [Name]'s sanity for saying 'yes' immediately. But this? <em>This</em>. Putting off finding a ring until the <em>day </em>before the wedding—which godforsaken morons had rubbed off on him? <br/><br/>It wasn't like he had the time to save his dignity and conceal his identity. He was running down every jeweller in the town, but honestly, he didn't even know the princess' ring size. Nobody close to her seemed to know, either—damn that thoughtless mage and the equally thoughtless swordsman—he had to wonder if they were pretending not to have the answers to set him off on a wild goose chase for their own amusement. For somebody well versed in politics, rhetoric, and business, he was not doing well.<br/><br/>Nobody had any rings that he thought she'd like. They were too big, too gaudy, too chunky, too inauthentic... for somebody who didn't know what he was looking for, he sure found a lot of things that just weren't it. Finally, he tumbled into a mage's forge, desperate. His ragged appearance must've garnered the smith's sympathy and allowed him to enter even though it was closing hours.<br/><br/>"I can make anything you want; but you'll have to provide me with a design, Sir."<br/><br/>It was the final hour and he closed green eyes to try and focus the scattered thoughts that his panic had torn apart all day. What would she like? What could she cherish and be proud to wear forever, symbolic of her commitment to him? <br/><br/>"A peony," he blurted out, eyes shooting wide open. It was the first memory that came to mind. She and he were a lot younger then, with her just coming up to his hip—she'd dragged him outside during the break for their math lesson, and threw herself into the peony bushes. He could remember the red flush on her cheeks when he dived in to retrieve her, peony nectar slicking his hair into embarrassing cowlicks. Soft pink petals stuck themselves to their faces and he remembered laughing then, too, the world light and easy whenever he was with her. The memory of the scent made his heart rate slow.<br/><br/>The mage worked quickly. Within minutes, he moved his hands back, showing a gold band with delicate peonies carved atop. Twin emeralds gleamed at the sides of the petal design.<br/><br/>"Why emeralds?" he asked curiously, though he was fully relieved of the beautiful handiwork.<br/><br/>"I believe your lady would like the reminder." The mage pointed at his eyes with a smirk and Barris blinked, feeling a hot itch rush up his neck. His own eyes, bright green, darted away to avert his gaze. "Best wishes, sir."<br/><br/>Never, never again would he be a fool and fall into the trap of procrastination. All he could do was pray his future wife would be happy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lord Barris had apparently landed in the kingdom, returned safely from a business trip overseas. She didn't mean to seem so eager, but the way she was tripping on her skirt hem while racing to the doors says otherwise.</p><p>"Princess."</p><p>The Viscount greeted [Name] with the same debonair charm he always had. She curtsied breathlessly.</p><p>"How's Barris?" she asked, unable to keep from embarrassing herself.</p><p>"Oh, Uncle's fine. Though you ought to not be discouraged when you notice a trend of avoidance, my lady."</p><p>"Avoidance?" she asked confusedly. Juven snickered to himself, revealing his childish nature. </p><p>And he was right. Barris seemed to be even more absent than when he'd physically left the land. She wandered all the places he would frequent: his office, the library, the senate room... he always seemed to have just left whenever she arrived.</p><p>She didn't want to be petty, but it had now been two days since he'd come home, and he hadn't yet shown face. That had to be unfair of him... to not be able to at least say hello. Her maid was more than happy to comply, loving drama.</p><p>"Milord, quickly... the Princess awaits."</p><p>"How ill is she?"</p><p>His familiar voice through the door sent a tremor through her heart. It'd been only something like a week since she'd heard it, and already, the ripples of adoration shot through her.</p><p>The door crashed open with unnecessary force. [Name] hid behind a room divider, holding her breath tight in her chest.</p><p>"Princess?" The concern in his voice immediately struck her with guilt for the little white lie, but how else would she draw him out? She took a deep breath and stepped out from behind the divider. </p><p>"L—<em>Barris?!</em>"</p><p>She was completely taken off guard and stared. His face grew scarlet red, enhancing the gold of his hair. </p><p>"Are you well?" he asked sheepishly.</p><p>"Am <em>I </em>well—are <em>you</em>?!"</p><p>"I may have gotten a tad sunburnt overseas," he mumbled. The tan did not suit him, looking like a funny bronze shade. The tip of his ears and nose were red. His hands were dark, but when he shifted, one could see his arms were still paper white.</p><p>"Is that why you've been avoiding me?" [Name] gasped, in between guffaws. "I'm sorry... I don't mean to..."</p><p>"Laugh. Yes." With resignation, he sighed. "You aren't sick, are you."</p><p>Unable to speak, she shook her head, doubled over in tears. </p><p>"I like it," she managed after catching her breath, holding a stitch in her side. "It's kind of cute."</p><p>"It is not and you know it."</p><p>"It <em>is!</em>" she insisted. She came close and gently rested her palm against his cheek—he stared, astonished by the cool touch. It was pleasantly soothing. "Oh man. You're really peeling, aren't you?"</p><p>His shoulders relaxed when she pulled her hand away. Time resumed.</p><p>"I didn't mean to make you upset, Princess."</p><p>"Y'know what? This made up for it. Let me go get you some herbs from the apothecary." Still grinning to herself, she brushed past him to leave. He pressed his palm into his chest once alone. His heart was close to bursting, and his face was hotter than the sunburns.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She wasn't supposed to be snooping in the Duke's study, but the tantalizing tongues of curiosity had gotten the better of her.</p><p>His desk was painfully neat, each paper laid carefully with straight edges, each book stacked in order from largest to smallest. It was colour coded, as if he could get any nerdier. She ran her finger over a black quill with a golden tip, wondering what kind of things he'd been writing here. Probably documentation she wasn't interested in, such as the affairs of business law. It was important, she knew, but that did not result in fun reading.</p><p>The study was normally locked, but Juven—a man with one foot in constant mischief and the other in the delight of pissing off his uncle—had procured the key. Barris was away at a council tribunal and shouldn't be back until sundown.</p><p>The desk was made from dense, polished wood. She sat in the plush leather chair, toes only barely grazing the ground. Putting her hands on the surface she wondered what it was like to be him. No wonder he was so uptight; what a dreary workspace to have. She could already feel the stress on her shoulders. The high-arched window flushed the room with hazy golden sun, in which she could see dust specks dance in the air like fairies.</p><p>The drawers were, to her surprise, unlocked. There were several, each full with parchment and scrolls and tomes and other assortments of difficult texts. She picked up the leather-bound notebook on top, seeing that it looked worn and older than the rest. It was out of place. Wasn't it be rude of her to look into something meant to be private? But she just couldn't hold herself back.</p><p>Untying the knot, she gasped with shock as an array of <em>stuff</em> tumbled into her lap. Crap—how was she going to put all of it back the way it was? Looking down, she hastily tried to scoop up the things she thought were note-cards, only to realize that she was holding a handful of pressed flowers. A branch of wisteria looked particularly familiar...</p><p>Carefully, [Name] transferred the fragile petals to the desk surface and re-opened the journal. The pages were yellow and dry. It felt like skin as she ran her fingertips across it. Black ink was scrawled across in hurried rows, very different from the scripts Barris usually presented to courts. </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Today</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The princess was practicing for her coronation today after the mathematics lesson. It's strange to watch the child of the crown grow up into a <s>beautiful </s>young lady. I've known her ever since she was born, and yet, it's different now.</p><p>The dance practice required dress rehearsal in a ballgown; I will never forget first seeing her walk into the grand hall in that purple dress. Everything has changed... If only I were the one to hold her hand and dance with her at the ball—but that is not my place. My feelings continue to grow... even as I write now, in the hopes that I can lock away these bastard emotions, it seems futile when she smiles at me with those brown eyes. How can I hope to win?</p><p>This is a battle far more arduous than I initially believed.</p><p>[Name] flipped back through the pages, her heart racing so frantically her vision was going blurry. Each entry was the same, something about her or his day—it went back so far she saw his handwriting change, the calligraphy growing rounder and more childish. </p><p>"...Lord's chambers..."</p><p>Inhaling sharply she slammed the book shut. There were maids outside in the hall, their voices growing louder. With a haste like never before she stuffed the flowers—her flowers—back into the journal and threw it back into the drawer. Her hands trembled as she locked the door and scrambled away.</p><p>Barris returned to his study at the end of a long meeting. He could already feel the headache throbbing behind his eyes. Collapsing into his chair, he sighed deeply, grateful to finally be alone. He opened his eyes.</p><p>A purple petal rested upon his spotless desk.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn't particularly that cold as there was a lack of wind in the valley, but even from here, he could see the princess shivering. Snow drifted in thick flurries, clumping onto his eyelashes and numbing his cheeks.</p><p>"I hate this," she muttered to herself, her breath coming in short, foggy clouds. She glanced up when she heard snow crunch under his boots.</p><p>"Hey, Mister Barris," she greeted, standing up straighter. The royal march happened whether or not the weather was favourable, and clearly it was not.</p><p>"Cold?" he asked, though it was obvious.</p><p>"Oh, no. I'm fine." She smiled reassuringly, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. He'd gotten quite skilled at reading her faces.</p><p>"Take this." He slung the black cloak off of his shoulders and draped it over hers. The hem dipped into the muddy earth, but for once, he didn't mind.</p><p>"What? No, I can't—"</p><p>"I'm too warm," he lied, the cold air already bleeding through his thin waistcoat. He gave her a soft smile to ease the concern and guilt. "Hang onto it for me, would you?"</p><p>"...okay. If you say so." She hugged it around herself, the sleeves dangling loosely. Enveloped in his clothes, she looked ever so delicate. When he went back to his post and looked back, he finally saw her smiling instead of scowling. Hopefully she'd think that his ears were red because of the cold.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Excuse me?"</p><p>"I said, I challenge you to an arm wrestling match, Duke Sakan."</p><p>[Name] pressed her lips together to stifle a laugh, glancing from the Captain of the Knight's Guard and Barris. The captain was a gigantic, massive man. He didn't win the title of the best knight by sweet talk.</p><p>"This is ridiculous," Barris protested exasperatedly. He'd been assaulted on his walk through the towns square and was still holding the documents he needed to deliver. "I've got better things to do—"</p><p>"It's for charity," the Captain insisted. He gestured at the pool of silver and gold coins behind him. "People's bets go towards the orphanage. Also, the champion of the bout—aka, whoever beats me—wins a kiss from our Lady, the princess."</p><p>Barris' heart seemed to stop mid-beat in his chest. He shot a look to [Name], who shyly waved in her seat.</p><p>"For charity," he conceded stiffly. He tossed the spare coins in his pocket into the pile. People erupted in cheers. Schoolboys ran around the crowd, collecting people's bets—as Barris sat on the wooden crate, he could already see the amount of people betting against him.</p><p>"I'll cast a bet, too," the princess said softly. He looked over and saw her holding up a gold medallion. She smiled at him and then handed it over to the collector. "On Lord Barris."</p><p>His blood thrummed. The captain laughed.</p><p>"Looks like you're the underdog, Lord Sakan."</p><p>"Shut up and take my damn hand. Let's get this over with."</p><p>The knight grasped his palm. Already, his grip was tight, causing Barris to wince.</p><p>"On third mark!" one of the toothy boys declared, standing on a stool and grabbing their hands. Barris glowered at the captain. The captain glowered back. "One... two... three!"</p><p>It was like trying to move a boulder. No matter how hard Barris pushed, the knight's hand wouldn't budge. His opponent's brow furrowed.</p><p>"You're not a weak squint after all," the knight realized aloud when he hadn't yet won. People's hushed amazement begun to grow in clamour, and suddenly people were shouting his name. A sweat broke on his forehead. He was fairly sure a vein popped somewhere in his eye. Their hands grew slick and shook.</p><p>"Barris!"</p><p>He heard the scream, shriller than the rest. The princess was calling his name. Digging his heels into the ground he let out a roar—the knight's hand slammed into the crate. The applause and cheering was overwhelming. Bells were ringing, clanging. Barris shook out his hand, sore, wiping it on his cloak.</p><p>"Good match," the captain mused, reaching out a hand. They shook on it courteously (gently, this time). The knight gestured behind him to the princess, who'd stood up, and kneeled chivalrously. "As promised."</p><p>"Um. You'll have to bend down, Mister Barris." Shy, her face was bright pink with a blush. He was sure one of his own burnt just as strongly. </p><p>"You don't have to do this," he reassured hastily. She shook her head emphatically. </p><p>"I want to! Oh—uh, because you won it, and I keep my word. Not because I really want to kiss just you or anything." She laughed nervously. </p><p>He crouched, fully aware that the entire kingdom's gaze was on him. He felt stiff. People hooted and hollered, mortifying him. The princess leant forwards... he felt the soft peck against his cheek. She pulled away and grinned.</p><p>"Congratulations, milord."</p><p>Victory is sweeter than honeyed berries.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Princess...?"</p><p>The knock threw her off guard. She sat up in bed slowly. The voice was muffled, the doors made of thick iron and wood—but it didn't sound high pitched enough to be her chambermaid or attendant.</p><p>"Come in," she called. The door swung open and her eyes widened sharply—<em>Barris</em>?</p><p>"Um. Hi," she stammered out awkwardly as the man walked to her bedside. She was still in her nightgown and hadn't brushed her hair. Why does he always insist on choosing the worst times to meet her, and never when she's at her best...</p><p>"I heard. Er. That you're ill."</p><p>"It's just a stomach ache!" she reassured hastily, knowing her face was flushed so badly it looked like she was feverish. She clutched her sheet over her chest in embarrassment. "I get these all the time."</p><p>"I won't subject you to today's mathematics lesson then," he murmured, with a dry sense of humour. "I'm sure you've enough pain."</p><p>[Name] flashed a smile of her own. "Well, maybe there's a silver lining after all."</p><p>"Oh. Um. Right—the reason why I'm here is to bring you this." He procured a gold tray that she hadn't noticed he'd been holding, having been too frazzled by his mere appearance to take account of the details. "I visited the apothecary."</p><p>"The castle apothecary?" she asked curiously. The castle's apothecary had a daughter of similar to age of her and was her friend—whenever she got these stomach aches, which was often, the daughter would be the one to take care of her. It was strange that she hadn't come up. Was she busy? Despite all this thinking, she also missed the rising blush on Barris' face as he twiddled his thumbs awkwardly.</p><p>"Yes. The assistant apparently had... things to do... and so she sent me in her place. I assume you're familiar with this tea."</p><p>The herbal brew smelt familiar with notes of spicy ginger and sweetened honey. [Name] reached for it and sipped, grateful for the warmth. </p><p>"Thanks Mister Barris," she chirped, forgetting all her previous worries of looking so disheveled in front of the Duke. "I feel way better already."</p><p>"That's all that matters. Rest well..." He took a step back before seeming to decide on something. "You can call for me whenever you need me."</p><p>"I wouldn't want to trouble y—"</p><p>"It wouldn't be a trouble," he insisted, so forcefully it stopped the princess right in her tracks. "And. I'm just writing up the notes on the tribunal tomorrow... so if you'd like company... I could. Er. Um."</p><p>"Are you sure?" [Name] asked, bewildered. "You'd like to do your work here?"</p><p>He cleared his throat. "Only if you'd like me to."</p><p>[Name] raise the mug to hide her face. "I'd like that very much."</p><p>He perked up, having been cringing so badly that his body was rolling itself up into a decrepit little ball. "I'll go retrieve my notes."</p><p>"Sure. See you..." </p><p>He left with a flourish of the cloak, his footsteps retreating. [Name] put the mug down and collapsed back into her pillows. That man... he had no idea what he did to her, did he?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"<em>Pst</em>. <em>Vicky</em>."</p><p>The Olineaux knight turned to face Barris, face already grim as he slunk up to her like a shamed dog. In the same conspicuously inconspicuous whisper, he asked, "does the princess look... ah..." </p><p>"<em>Upset</em>?" the woman offered dryly. They both turned to look at the subject, whom was scowling open-facedly. [Name] normally held a very pleasant expression, especially during balls, knowing just how important appearances were in this world. She looked like she'd just stepped in something far worse than unsavoury. Barris cringed.</p><p>"Yes. Has something happened?"</p><p>"What are you asking me for?" Vicky retorted unhelpfully. "Shouldn't you ask the person of interest?"</p><p>"Well. I wouldn't like to further upset her or anything with my ignorance... I figure I ought to figure out the source of her distress before approaching her..."</p><p>"Lord Barris, you really are quite the fool, aren't you?"</p><p>"Excuse me?" He was bewildered by the straightforward insult. Vicky sighed bad-temperedly.</p><p>"Have you <em>noticed </em>anything <em>different</em> about the princess, perhaps?" she insinuated testily. Barris took another look. Despite her furrowed brow, she was wearing a blue dress today. It complimented her fair skin well, each ruffle of the silken fabric cut in a way that flattered her form.</p><p>"I didn't say drool and gawk over our lady. Use your eyes, would you? You must have <em>one</em> thing of function about you."</p><p>"Could you just be forwards with it?" Barris snapped, whipping back to glare down at her. </p><p>"And you have the audacity to call others stupid. I truly don't know what she sees in you."</p><p>"I don't—what? What does she see in me? Oi—get back here!"</p><p>But the knight rolled her eyes dismissively, wandering away so deftly that he couldn't chase after without causing a commotion. He took another reluctant study of the princess, who was shovelling some sort of cake into her mouth. Looking disgruntled, she swept a piece of hair out of her eyes—</p><p>A haircut? Since when? ...was she upset at <em>him </em>for not having noticed?</p><p>It took him a great long while to muster up the courage to approach the princess and only managed to do so after the ball had wound down. She was at the balcony, staring up at the moon with her head resting on crossed arms. He cleared his throat to get her attention.</p><p>"I think your new hairstyle suits you, my lady." He offered the bouquet of hastily plucked apology flowers shyly. They were mismatched and he was pretty sure he'd accidentally gathered a stick in with the bunch, but it was the best he had to offer. Finally, she smiled, and he felt like it was all worthwhile.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Uncle, I think you're trying too hard."</p><p>"How is it that every member of this family is utterly useless..." Barris scowled, pinching the bridge of his nose, where the sprouts of a headache were beginning to grow. "All you lot know to do is insult me. Not once have I ever had my questions answered by any of you."</p><p>"You're not that hard to insult," Barbara continued, flipping the page of her book disinterestedly. "Uncle, if you wanted to know what kind of present to get a lady, shouldn't you ask a proper lady?"</p><p>"Well," he spluttered, "you and the princess are quite close, so I—"</p><p>"Are you saying that you <em>aren't</em> close to our lady?" Barbara finally spared him a glance, wryly smiling.</p><p>"<em>Pardon me </em>for thinking that a girl could offer proper insight onto what you fickle women like!" he huffed. "Forget it."</p><p>"I'm just saying. A present doesn't really mean much if you don't think of it yourself."</p><p>"I've got to give word to that father of yours for how he's raised his children," Barris muttered spitefully. He swept away, ignoring Barbara's soft laugh. </p><p>A present that he could think up himself. As if he hadn't chosen Barbara as his last resort. He just wasn't sure what the princess would like. She was easy-going in the way that she'd accept any gift with a smile, but would it actually <em>mean </em>anything to her? For all he knew, she was only keeping up appearances. But the day of the festival was fast approaching, and if he was empty-handed, it'd be worse than procuring something as basic as a nice quill.</p><p>He wandered the town square awkwardly, knowing he was drawing curious gazes from the common folk. He should've changed into something less conspicuous. He was very obviously a Duke, the way he towered over the regular people in his expensive Sakan emblemed clothes. People parted way for him, which wasn't really helping, because now he had to look like he knew what the hell he was doing.</p><p>Something caught his eye in the sun. A jewelry stand, it seemed. The merchant was an old woman, decrepit and hunched. She seemed to be blind with her cloudy eyes. He scanned the stall, his eyes lingering on a pair of stones that looked much more polished than the rest.</p><p>"Opals from the Kingdom of Ryss," the woman spoke, startling him. Had he been that obvious looking at them? But wait—wasn't she blind? She continued speaking, eerily staring forwards at nothing with a mysterious smile on her face. "They're infused with the magic of the moon. Or so they say."</p><p>The opals were iridescent, rainbows trapped in a creamy white medium. It had every colour in one. Looking at them, he couldn't help but be reminded of her face; how her smile made him feel everything all at once.</p><p>"I'll take them."</p><p>It was the night before the festival. [Name] sighed to herself, exhausted by preparations. She'd spent the whole day trying to write her address to the kingdom and had no time at all to think about what to wear. She sat at her vanity, comb in hand, when she noticed a black box lying on the surface. She didn't recognize it. Curiously and hesitantly, she opened it. A pair of earrings sparkled up at her, ethereally holding a glow despite the low candle light. She searched high and low for a card or engraving or <em>anything </em>that'd tell her who the patron was, but found nothing. Still, they were beautiful.</p><p>"Uncle!" Barbara whispered gleefully up to him as the Sakan family filed into the Senate Hall for the ceremony. "Did the Princess always have those earrings? They're gorgeous."</p><p>He wasn't even sure how she could see that far with her condition. Apparently, the joy of teasing him has healing properties. Glancing up, he noticed the Princess standing by the King's side, her long hair tucked back. The earrings studded her lobes. His heart fluttered, but he glared down at his niece.</p><p>"Shut <em>up.</em>"</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hey, Barris?"</p><p>It was surprising to be addressed directly by the princess. He'd been halfway through his commute to the West castle before she stopped him in the hall, looking like she'd expected to see him here.</p><p>"Yes, my lady?"</p><p>"You were around when I was born, right? What was I like as a kid?"</p><p>"I..." He spluttered, floundering uselessly. "That's. Well. That's a loaded question."</p><p>"Why?" she pressed, her brow furrowing in concern. "Was I that bad?"</p><p>Far from it. From the day she was born until now, the young princess had never been anything short of... good. She'd been cute back then. He could remember it well; each member of the noble families would come by to give blessings, leaning over the crib to glance a look at royal blood. He'd been fascinated, never having a younger sibling or anything of that sort before. Her brown eyes had been huge and glossy, more beautiful than any pearl or gem. When he reached out, the princess had grabbed his hand with impossibly minuscule fingers. Perhaps that had been the start of his... predicament.</p><p>When she got older, he tried to distance himself further. He had aged into an adult when she was carefully traversing her youth. It wasn't right. He should know better. But, back when they were both kids at heart, they'd played together in fields—forgetting classes and ranking and age entirely. They were good friends. No barriers stood in the way of that. Despite being under castle guard, she was keen on sneaking out, dragging him with her in her mischief. He had fond memories of crawling under fences, towed along by the shorter girl. They used to make flower crowns together, though his were always shabbier in comparison to hers. The woven clover flowers atop his head and her crisp, gleeful laugh always made him feel like maybe, just maybe, <em>he</em> could be her prince—</p><p>"You were like every other kid," he offered vaguely. </p><p>"Really?" She seemed to catch on to the fact that there was more to the story, dissatisfied. "I have a lot of memories of you, but I don't really know what they were about."</p><p>His heart was seizing. He had to make up an excuse.</p><p>"I assume they thought I'd be more capable of teaching you arithmetic and humanities than the older scholars. You must have blocked your memories out, since you conveniently seem to forget the times tables every time I ask you."</p><p>"Oh. Okay." She flushed, embarrassed. From here he realized just how much taller than her he had grown, but also, just how much she had grown from the child she once was. She was different, now. Her body had lengthened, but she carried a different air around her. Lightening, but strong. Mature. Even beautiful. She'd grown up well. "Well... I'll let you get going, then. You look busy."</p><p>He looked down at the tome he had unconsciously started squeezing in a death grip. He relaxed his grip and nodded at her.</p><p>"Right. Thank you. Good day, princess."</p><p>"Bye."</p><p>He ducked away and hurried around the corner. Why was she asking all of the sudden? Was she onto something?</p><p>Meanwhile, Princess [Name] turned to her friend who'd been standing in the shadows, eavesdropping. "I don't know what you're talking about," she declared, frustrated. "He was just my teacher back then, too."</p><p>"You both truly are <em>perfect</em> for each other," the girl seethed, closing her eyes in frustration.</p><p>"Hey! Don't say it so loud—what if somebody hears?" the princess hissed furtively. Her eyes darted around nervously. </p><p>"You know what? I'm done trying to help you two. Hopeless cause."</p><p>"Don't walk away! Come back! What were you talking about?!"</p><p>The Princess chased after the girl in the opposite direction Barris had gone. Opposite their walks may be, but their hearts ran parallel... though they'd soon be crossing paths.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a bad dream. That's all; and yet he could feel her hand, slipping out of his own, as she pulled away with a sad smile on her face.</p><p>He knew he was being irrational, but he just... he couldn't help it. She always overrode his head, his instinct—he needed to see for himself that she was alright. Barris looked like a ghost, probably, sprinting through empty castle hallways in the torchlight with panic stricken across his pale feature. </p><p>Was it wrong of him to peek into her room while she was sleeping? Most definitely. Everything he knew told him to shake it off and go back to bed. But his heart was racing, thrumming, <em>leaping</em>, and he just had to know she was okay. That's all.</p><p>He crept into the room quietly, hoping not to disturb her. Keeping a distance, he walked towards the bed and peered over, holding his breath. His shoulders sank with relief; she was nestled in her blankets, sleeping well, a steady rise of chest fall confirming that he was out of his mind. He allowed himself a short breath of relief and quickly turned away to leave. His foot caught on a sheet of paper that had been on the floor. Wincing, he glanced back to make sure the sliding noise hadn't disturbed her—she hadn't moved. He bent down to pick the sheet up, hoping he hadn't torn it. In the soft filtered light, his eyes caught on a few words, scrawled out in black ink,</p><p>
  <em>Barris Sakan, I love you, and I'm sorry for what I'm about to say.</em>
</p><p>Losing his senses he sucked in a sharp breath, tucking it tight at the bottom of his lungs so he wouldn't screw up and say a curse out loud. He wasn't meant to see this—quickly, he dropped it back to the floor, kicking it so that it would naturally lay somewhere, and hurried out of the room. After closing the door behind him painstakingly slowly, he collapsed to the floor.</p><p>I love you. I love you.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>No.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Once again he could feel his heart trying to overtake his mind, leaping into his throat with agonizing pain. The princess' coronation day was in the following days. He could do nothing to disturb the Kingdom's peace. </p><p>So why did every part of him want to go back into that room, shake her awake, and tell her to her lovely face that <em>me too</em>. Yes, I love you too, Princess. I always have and I always will, but—</p><p>He shook his head and got to his feet. He was going to go insane like this. Better to take a draught and sink back into the nightmares of the other world than continue to live this one. He'd just have to... forget.</p><p>He didn't know that the letter would make its way back to him, complete and heavy with anguish.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was rare of Barris to lose his composure, much less his drink; for a Scot to lose to whiskey meant something majorly upsetting had happened.</p><p>"You can leave me be, Princess," he slurred on the ground, his head jerking every so often as it fought gravity. "I'm fine..."</p><p>"I'm not leaving you," she insisted forcefully, kneeling beside him. She'd been looking for him ever since losing track of him at the ball and had found him collapsed in the gardens. She touched his cheek with the ulnar aspect of her palm. He was burning up, his face so pink it looked like he belonged in a gallery of freshly bloomed peonies. "Jeez, Barris, what's gotten into you...?" </p><p>"Wouldn't you like to know."</p><p>She frowned ever so slightly at the uncharacteristic self deprecation, but it wasn't like she could pick him up and carry him out of here. He didn't seem to have any interest in moving and she couldn't move him by herself. If she left to get help, she worried he'd vanish.</p><p>"Y'know, people'll talk. The young lady with an attendant after hours."</p><p>She didn't realize he was still talking, his voice a touch above a whisper. His hands had encircled her wrists at some point and she gasped when he squeezed, emeraldine eyes stone-set jewels. </p><p>"Why can't you just leave me alone?" he breathed, and his tone was so heartbreaking that unwitting tears pricked the back of her eyes.</p><p>"What do you mean?" she returned shakily. "If you're sick, I'm not going to leave you alone. You'd do the same for me."</p><p>He groaned, letting go of her. The blood throbbed in her hands, missing his touch. "You don't get it."</p><p>"Don't get <em>what</em>—?"</p><p>"What if I took advantage of you? What then? What would you say?"</p><p>With a stunningly quick motion his hands were back on her, cradling her face. She froze, but felt resistance—he was locking her into place, pulling her towards him. Her heart burst in her chest, flooding the body with panic and restless euphoria.  Hair slipped out of her messy ponytail, sliding in front of her face, curtaining her and Barris off from the world. Was it happening? </p><p>His nose brushed the tip of hers as they stared into each other's eyes, not breaking eye contact once. He had such beautiful eyes, so strongly coloured, unlike the fair woven gold of his hair. This close she could feel the warmth of whiskey radiate off his skin, the caramel-honey smell wrapping her in a comforting cloud. If she spoke her lips would brush his. She remained perfectly still; sitting, waiting, wishing. </p><p>"Mm... you just don't get it." </p><p>He pushed her away, not enough to be forceful, but enough to shatter the moment. The princess swayed on her knees, clutching the fabric of her skirt as her heart thrummed. Barris threw his head back into the wall he was propped up against.</p><p>"I'm... going to go get some water. And some help. You need to go to bed."</p><p>He said nothing.</p><p>"Stay here, okay? Please, Barris?"</p><p>More silence. The princess stood stiffly and begun to walk away. With just a few metres of distance she looked back, already missing his warmth. He sat there, eyes closed, an unmistakable expression of grief wrought across his features. It was painted in silver moonlight, and she couldn't look away.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"We need to talk."</p><p>The words were heavy, weighing like no other; she tried not to let her expression falter, but her heart floundered uselessly, acid in her throat.</p><p>"What about, Barris...?"</p><p>His face was serious. More serious than it had ever been. This wasn't a joke, was it? Not like he joked at all, but she already knew she didn't want to hear what he had to say.</p><p>Silently, she followed him out to the courtyard. He led the way wordlessly. Normally he'd walk by her side, smiling, asking her casual questions... he walked in front of her, hastily, with broad shoulders that didn't spare her any grief. </p><p>He sat down on an old iron wrought bench that had been here longer than she was even alive. Nervous beyond compare, she moved stiffly. Her body, always chilly, was immobilized by ice.</p><p>"When I die, promise me that you won't be sad."</p><p>Her mind spun.</p><p>"What do you mean, when you—"</p><p>"Just listen to me, please, for once!" It was rare of him to interrupt her and rarer still for him to sound so... agonized. To raise his voice at her. Be so... angry. She held her tongue, feeling the fire creep up her cheeks. She couldn't even think about it. The knots were twisting in her stomach like knives in every direction. Why was he bringing this up?</p><p>"I know you. I know you'll mourn, and fall into a rut... Princess, it tears me apart when you're like that." His voice had softened, now, and his green eyes were the endlessly salted sea. "There's nothing that brings me more joy than your smile. Nothing that hurts me more than seeing you cry. So..." Suddenly he slipped off the bench, falling onto a knee. He took her cold hands into his own, kissing them with warm lips. His eyes fluttered up to hers and she could barely meet them, but could not bear to look away. "Don't cry for me."</p><p>"How could you say that when I'm already..." The tears overflowing spoke enough. She wanted to tear her hand away and slap her. "You're not going to die! Shut up!"</p><p>"Everybody dies," he responded, sombrely. The thought pierced her like lightning. Did he know something she didn't? But then he had let go and was on his feet. Shakily she tumbled after him. She slipped and fell to her hands and knees, forced to look up at him as he walked away.</p><p>"Barris, wait! What did you mean? You can't just—"</p><p>He looked back down at her.</p><p>"You'll promise me, won't you? That you'll leave me peonies and the such and remember me fondly. So please, I beg of you... just be happy. For us."</p><p>She was outright sobbing now. Even just as a hypothetical, it was too much. Vines grew over top of them in an arch, impossibly intertwined—that was how she felt about him. She adored him, and cherished him... there had never been a day of her life without him here. How dare he say that? How dare he look at her with those sad, heartbrokenly defeated eyes? And how dare he walk away?</p><p>It was a man who had given up.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tumblr: https://deltachye.tumblr.com/</p></blockquote></div></div>
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